An Open Letter to the Fei Long Asian Food Market

Dear Fei Long Food Market Employees,



I had the pleasure(?) of visiting your Asian food market with my inlaws, one of which is a bonifide Chinese person. Thank God she came along (although I hope she wasn't offended by my constant gagging). Anyway, first I wish to thank you for providing parking. This is a rarity in these parts and you gain an automatic bonus point for doing so, however don't get excited. You're about to lose that bonus point. I have been to many a gas station restroom in my day, but never have I experienced one as filthy as your store. Strange comparison, but it's all I have. I'm probably being kind.

Let's start with the "seafood/zoo" department. Live turtles stacked one on top of the other in an industrial sized garbage can? Ick. Live frogs stacked one on top of the other in an industrial sized garbage can? Double ick. I mean, honestly....how do you bag that stuff? I saw a dude pick up a giant LIVE blue crab out of a tank and put it in a paper bag. That seems like a bad idea for so many reasons. I have seen acquariums in fish markets before, however I have never seen aquariums where 50% of the fish are floating belly-side up and other fish are sniffing around them debating the ethics of eating their own kind. I'm guessing you don't have too many takers for those. (I'd like a pound of the floaters please...can you filet them?).

Also, can someone please tell me when I would be using "Pig Uterus" or "Bull Aeorta" in a recipe? Can you dip them in chocolate? Because that might help the taste. I'm just speculating here, but I'm thinking that a uterus is probably pretty chewy. Chocolate makes everything better, but some things are beyond help (hint hint).

I'm not exactly sure when I will get over the horrors of what I saw at your market. Probably never. My poor son....he tripped and fell on the floor and I seriously considered stripping him naked on the spot and burning his clothes in the street. I will admit that the fall was my fault as he was chasing after me. I was running like hell to get out of there. Every man for himself.

Anywho....if I ever need to wish the Health Department a merry Christmas, I know just what to get them. 2lbs of lizard hearts and a card with your name on it.

We will not be hugging or kissing thank you very much,
L.