Open Letter to Dr. Svetlana G.

Dear Dr. G,



While I admit that I have had disagreements with my insurance in the past, I didn't think they'd exact that kind of revenge on me when they selected you as my primary care physician. Nothing personal, but your office was a bit daunting to say the least. The fact that it was the size of my bathroom aside, it was odd that your receptionist was just kind of hanging out behind a desk, chillin' out maxin' and relaxin' all cool (who doesn't love Fresh Prince!?) in her see-through blouse, right there in the middle of the "waiting room" which was more like 3 square feet of carpet with 2 cafeteria chairs and a bookshelf full of medical files easily accessible for anyone to snag and use for light waiting room reading. It was even more frightening when the receptionist (who I'm guessing was 16, max) called my insurance company, ON SPEAKER PHONE, and proceeded to give them my name, social, birthdate and bra size (not really, but might as well have!) right there, loud as could be, with other people in the waiting closet (I'd say "waiting room" in most instances, but clearly, this was a closet at one time). Thankfully the other two people there appeared to be strictly Russian speaking so I was safe on that end. And they were safe on my end because when you took them into the "exam room" which again, was probably a closet at one time to include the original slatted closet door to allow for minimum privacy), I was unable to understand any of their ailments. You were speaking only Russian. (This is when I became concerned that I'd have to "act out" the purpose of my visit to make up for the obvious language barrier, but then again, acting out "Can you please renew my birth control prescription?" isn't exactly easy to maneuver).



When it was finally my turn, I was expecting to be seen by your nurse, but alas, you have no assistants other than your receptionist/bra model who apparently has no qualms about busting into the exam closet when you have a phone call without even knocking or apologizing. I was, however, relieved to learn that you do speak English. I was really worried about the game of charades I was going to have to play. Thank you for handling my primary issue quickly, but honestly, you didn't have to spend the next half hour trying to talk me into having other medical conditions. No, I do not have allergies. No, I do not have a drinking problem (I'm not Russian, remember?). No, I don't do drugs and I don't need the assistance of an obstetrician at this time (remember why I'm here? Maybe I will have to act this out after all!). I don't have a heart condition, blindness or swimmer's ear. It was almost offensive when you sighed, looked off into space, deep in thought, desperately trying to find something wrong with me. Be happy for me! I'm basically healthy!



I will give credit where credit is due though. Thank you for looking at me and saying, "Well, obviously you don't have a weight problem so I'm not going to weigh you." I LOVED this (although I could do without maybe 20lbs that I'm carrying around). A quick scan of your office showed me that you probably don't have a scale, but I'll just go with your assessment. I like that better.



Double hugs, double kiss, double the size of your office please!

L.