Open Letter to the Queens County Fair

Dear Queens County Fair,

When my friend called me and invited us to join her family for a day at the county fair in Queens, I have to admit that I agreed for only one reason--sheer curiosity. I had to know how NYC does a "county fair". Honestly, that seems like an oxymoron in the making, but it was a beautiful day and we didn't have anything on the agenda, so off we go to the Queens County Fair.

My husband was skeptical as well, mainly in regards to the location. According to the website, the fair is located on Green Meadows Farm. In Queens. A farm anywhere in the greater NYC area seems highly unlikely, but they do exist. As we sat in gridlock traffic and then exited the highway only to encounter NY's best attempt at a suburb, we wondered....how is it possible that there is a farm here? A farm on 73rd St? Odd. But there it was. A farm! Right there in the middle of town.

As my hopes began to rise, I was even more pleased to learn that there was a parking lot (props to you, Queens County Fair!) and the admission was only $7 per person. The only thing $7 will buy you in NY is probably a swift kick in the you-know-what (yeah, they charge for that too). $7 is dirt cheap. We paid more for the gyro's we ate once inside (well worth it though). By now I am giddy with excitement. A farm. With parking. And cheap admission. What a fantastic day!

Things only improved from there. The first event we encountered was an Arm Wrestling Competition (by weight class, mind you). Only in New York do they announce you, in order of importance, first by nationality, then by neighborhood, and then by your name as in, "And now....the Russian from Brighton Beach....Ivan Ivanovich!". I'm sure your Human Resources Department might have some complaints about this, although I found it extremely amusing!

My son's favorite part of the day was the NY Style Hay Ride. Picture a cab ride in NYC, only in a hay wagon affixed to the back of a tractor. This was no leisurely ride through the pasture. People here drive tractors in much the same manner as they operate their motor vehicles. It was the fastest, most insane ride of all time. Not intentional....that's just what it was. We thought it would be a nice time to sit back, chat with our friends and have a drink to cool off. Instead we held on for dear life as my son gripped my torso in fear. Good times on the hay ride. (The giant sign stating that pregnant women or people with back problems should not venture on the hay ride should have been my first clue. At least HR won't have complaints about that).

Of course no fair would be complete without a pig race and you didn't disappoint, Queens County Fair. Not at all. We saw Brittney SpareRibs and Kevin Bacon and Sir Spamalot run laps around a tiny track while full grown men cheered on wildly. At one point, some daschounds came out dressed as hotdogs and also took a lap, although I'm not sure what that was all about nor did they perform as well as the pigs. It was quite the sight.

Thank you, Queens County Fair, for giving me a taste of "normal America" this past weekend. It's nice to know that in the midst of chaos there is a place that almost reminds me of being back below the Mason Dixon Line. Thank you for the pleasant, G-rated fun we had and we can't wait to return next year!

Double Hugs, Double Kiss,
L.