Open Letter to Pediatrician Receptionist with the Frosted Hair Circa 1985

Dear Receptionist with the Frosted Tips:

Thank you for being so accomodating by allowing me to keep the appointment I made over the phone which someone in your office neglected to write down in the magic book of appointments. Thanks for squeezing me in between, well, Nobody & Nobody Else as your waiting room was filled with invisible kids with invisible ailments at the time of my unplanned (on your part) arrival. You and I could totally hang out together (once you get rid of that hair dresser of yours), however I would like to set the record straight on something. Just because I carry military health insurance and my husband is an active duty soldier in the US Army does not mean that I can fill you in on the secrets from next season's upcoming episodes of Lifetime TV's hit show Army Wives. And no, I cannot provide my autograph nor do I know Catherine Bell personally. It was nice of you to bring in your friend, Nurse ParachutePants, so that we could discuss this show I never watch together as a group. (By the way, is that Flock of Seagulls playing on the speakers right now?). I was happy to field your questions about the oh-so-exciting life of being an Army wife. No, I do not know anyone who has had an affair while their husband was deployed or otherwise, although I'm sure it happens. This is America. Jerry Springer conitnues to churn out new episodes. Crazy is bound to exist anywhere, including the Army. No, none of my friends own bars (although I've met plenty of friends who frequent them!) and I have never been to the Hump Bar. I think it's fictional. Just like the rest of the show. In my humble opinion, I think Army Wives pulls together the most stereotypical personas of Army wives and stations them all on the most idyllic and beautiful post of all time. In reality, being an Army wife means you have an extra form of ID in your wallet and your spouse disappears for sometimes months on end. That's about it. Yes there is drama from time to time, but don't you have drama here in this office/VH-1 Back to the 80's Episode ?

Anywho, I hope this clears up any miscommunication between us and I hope you find a hairdresser who is more versed in hair styles for this particular decade.

Double Kiss, Double Hugs,
L.